hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
