so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
