I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
