I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
