People in love make me want to vomit
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
