At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
as a side note pls kill me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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