the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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