Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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