Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
