I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
