He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A bitchslap is in order.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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