yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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