She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
