Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
