There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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