Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
