She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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