my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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