I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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