I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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