and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
