um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
