I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
