So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
