If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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