I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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