Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
