i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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