im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
