we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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