I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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