if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I FOUND THE LEGS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
