I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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