yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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