If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
