I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
