marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
