is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
