shes about as inviting as chlamydia
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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