Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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