peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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