I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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