I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
