We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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