he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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