We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
