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Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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