i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
