YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
