haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
