I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
