I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
