hell yes lets make some ravioli
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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